So, you’ve manage to make it through Christmas. Well done! There’s every chance that there’ve been times that were good or dare I say even fun, but with every likelihood also times tinged with sadness when the loss of your loved one was so obvious and evident. Now, as you look ahead to the prospect of the New Year without them, for some, this may feel daunting and draining.

However, you’ve previously spent New Year’s Eve, be that at parties or in your PJs staying up to hear Big Ben chime in the New Year then watching the fireworks before flopping into bed, the essence is about the hope and prospect that a new beginning can bring. For some, that’s resolutions with a determination for new fitness levels, healthy diets, dry January or a detox, maybe taking up a hobby or fulfilling a dream, but for you, this year, such thoughts may be the last thing on your mind. It’s can feel a further slap in the face when every other TV advert is for family holidays in the sun, but when your reality is very different.

Please remember New Year does not have to be perfect. So please don’t put pressure on yourself to try to make it so or put on a brave face and join in, if you don’t feel like it. It is ok to go to bed and just get up the next day. It is after all, just another day.

If this is your first New Year since your loved one died, it’s ok for you to keep it as close to what you usually do, or do something very different, or nothing at all. What’s important is you do what you and your family feel able to do. This can be tricky, when you each want different things, but that’s ok, talk about it and accept that others are on a different page to you, think about who can help those that want to do things differently to you, and as far as possible enable everyone to be how they need to be. There is no right way to do this, there is only your way. Sometimes all you can manage is to put one foot in front of the other and keep going, and that’s ok.

Some points that might help approach the new year after a bereavement are:

• Keep on talking and listening to each other, and to those you trust.
• Chat about what each of you want or need, and think about who might be able to support you if others want to do different things in your family
• Spend time together, watch a film, play a game, eat or plan something to do together, even if it’s just a walk and then home for hot chocolate.
• Spend time with those who are important to you, visit them or invite them round
• Allow others to help you,
• If routines help you, stick to them,
• Plan things into your calendar for next year so you have things, however small, to look forward to,
• Focus moment to moment, day to day, so it feels more manageable.
• Plans are great, but remember you can change them too,
• Be kind to yourself.
• Hold on to what you have and know that you will find a way to walk your path together with your family, into your future and it will feel brighter.

We know that New Year can be a highly emotive and difficult time emotionally, and not everyone feels they have people they can talk to, but please, don’t bottle up your feelings and isolate yourself.  Our Freephone National Helpline is available on New Year’s Eve until 2.00pm and will re-open on the 2^nd of January as usual. The Samaritans free helpline number is 116 123.