Young carers can feel very lost if the person they were caring for dies. It is important to remember that a young carer may have taken a major role in the care of their loved one, so when that person dies, not only is the child struggling with the loss of the person, but also their loss of role and identity. This can be incredibly difficult for a young person and there can often be a huge sense of feeling alone and isolated. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and young people all experience different emotions when someone important dies.

At Winston’s Wish, we know that it is important for young people to have the opportunity to talk about how they are feeling and have the space to talk openly and honestly about the difficult emotions they are experiencing. Some young people may experience relief which can cause a great deal of guilt. Young people need to know that this is a very normal emotion and something that they should not feel ashamed of.

Seeing someone you love struggle with their health can be very difficult and it is normal for carers to sometimes feel relieved that the person is no longer suffering in this way. It is also probable that the young carer would have witnessed and cared for the person during difficult and painful times of their illness.

It is important to help the child to share their story of the person’s life and their involvement in their care. Like any death individuals are sometimes left with memories, some can be stuck on difficult memories, others may try hard to avoid and push down difficult memories.

It is important to help the child to think of a range of memories, but being mindful that their involvement in the person’s care brings further complex feelings such as guilt, regret, relief that need to be explored sensitively. Young carers need to know that everyone feels differently, some young people really miss the things they used to do for the person they cared for, but for others, not having to take on the responsibilities and jobs have been a relief in some way, as it was hard. There are no wrong feelings, they are just feelings and very normal.

Being able to speak to others in similar situations can be very powerful and at Winston’s Wish, we encourage these interactions through our residential weekends. Ensuring that they are offered a role and are involved in the funeral and check out with them how they feel about not having the role and responsibilities they had when the person was alive, is also very important.

If a young carer is bereaved of someone, other than the person they care for, they can sometimes feel they do not have the time or space to grieve and that their needs are not as important, as they still have a carer’s role to play.

Providing the space to remember the person who died is very important. Making memory jars and using memory boxes to be able to talk about the person who died can enable the young person to recognise that through their memories of the person, the relationship can continue.

How to get support?

If you are working with or caring for a bereaved child, support is available via our Freephone National Helpline on 08088 020 021.