My name’s Georgia Coan. I’m a producer on BBC Radio 4’s podcast ‘Beyond Today’.

Recently I made the decision to openly discuss my experience with grief for a podcast episode with our presenter, Matthew Price.

In 2013, at the age of 19, I lost my younger brother Elliot due to complications in a routine surgery. One minute my brother was alive and well, the next he was gone and the world was pulled from underneath my feet. I still remember the moment the doctors came into the family room to tell us there was nothing more they could do. It was like an out of body experience. I collapsed to the ground and cried so hard I could hardly breathe.

Our family’s life changed in an instant.

My brother was my best friend. I don’t think anyone could make me laugh as hard as I did when I was with him. We were very close and would spend much of our free time together playing video games, watching films and creating silly videos for social media.

When my brother died, I lost a part of myself. It was as though I didn’t know who I was anymore. I got a lot of my confidence from my brother who would light up every room with his presence. When he left, it felt like a brightly coloured canvas had been left in the rain, every colour fading and leaving a grey hue.

I struggled with my mental health. I tried to go straight to university but found it an isolating experience. My grief was overwhelming and I struggled to be around other people, refusing to leave the house most days and desperately seeking a resource online where people might understand me. I soon became friends with a group of people on a Facebook bereavement group. Talking and hearing other’s people experience helped me to understand I wasn’t alone. My feelings and emotions were shared with other bereaved siblings.

Grief is still a taboo subject. People don’t want to talk about death because it’s scary but that also means that people who are going through it feel isolated and unable to talk openly.

I hope this podcast episode helps to raise awareness of grief, especially sibling loss and will become a resource for those struggling with their loss. Nobody is ever alone and it’s helpful to be able to share our stories.

You can listen to BBC Radio 4’s Beyond Today, which explores grief and sibling loss below or by clicking on this link. 

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