Hear from the Bailey family
Trigger warning: The following contains details of death and bereavement which some may find upsetting to read.
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Amidst the chaos and joy of festive parties, school holidays, presents and fun, thousands of children will have a more heartfelt addition to their wish list – “I wish I could wish you a Merry Christmas”. For grieving children, there will be gifts unopened, cards they can’t give, and a painful reminder of a loved one who has died.
We are the Bailey family, and we hope by sharing our story you will understand the impact your kindness today could mean for other children around the UK.
Back in 2020, like many of you, our whole family caught COVID, but it hit the children’s dad, Jordan, the hardest. After the 10-day isolation period Jordan seemed to be getting better and was ready to go back to work. I came home from the park with the kids, Shayla, Ella, and Kai (now aged 12, 9 and 6), and Jordan said he had just fallen asleep in the bath, which seemed strange. Then I noticed his lips had turned blue.
I went to get him a bottle of water and when I came back, the inside of his mouth had turned blue, and he was struggling to breathe. I started crying and told him we need to call an ambulance, but he insisted ‘I’m fine, I’m fine’ and still wanted to get ready for work. It must have only been a couple of seconds later he turned to me and said, ‘Call me the ambulance’.
Jordan’s last moments were spent in the ambulance outside our home, where he unknowingly suffered a fatal heart attack. I had to go back to our children alone and tell them their dad had died.
I recently sat with Shayla to share our memories and she said ‘I remember your face coming up the stairs and I just knew already’
Thank you for continuing to stand with grieving children like mine, you are part of our story, and we are so grateful for people like you. Today, you can choose to make the holiday season a little bit brighter for even more grieving children by making a donation so that children don’t have to grieve alone this Christmas.
I don’t know if I overshared with the children, but I didn’t want them to feel like I was hiding anything from them about their dad. So there was nothing they weren’t told, we were all in it together.
Our youngest, Kai (3 at the time), had a lot of questions, ‘How did daddy die?’, ‘What happened to his chest?’. I didn’t feel like I was telling my story, it felt like someone else’s. That’s why I reached out to Winston’s Wish, I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing with the children.
We were connected to a dedicated bereavement support worker called Sophie who provided individual sessions for Shayla and Ella, Kai also loved popping in to say hello. This support became a crucial part of our routine, offering guidance, understanding, and activities to honour their dad’s memory.
Please consider donating today to ensure other children can receive this vital support.
The children each got given a box with books and activities that Sophie would use during our sessions to encourage conversation. These tools provided a gentle way for the children to open up and begin sharing memories they had of their dad. Ella made a Christmas bauble decorated with memories of Jordan, which we hung on our Christmas tree. She really loved that activity. It was important for her that she still got to include dad in her Christmas.
Shayla was quite a closed book when she started talking to Sophie, but when the sessions were coming to an end, she came to me and said, ‘Mummy I feel like I need more, I don’t feel comfortable walking away’.
Shayla didn’t want to load me with anymore of her feelings. If she saw I was having a good day, she didn’t want to cry in front of me, and I know that’s also how I felt with the children. So those sessions with Winston’s Wish gave her space to just be in the moment and feel how she wanted without worrying she was upsetting one of us.
I asked Shayla her thoughts on the sessions, and she said ‘It felt like Sophie knew what I was saying even if I didn’t make sense. It was nice having someone outside my family to talk to and be able to open up to. I remember I did an activity where someone my age had just lost their dad, and I created a poster of what I would say to them. I said ‘Everything will be ok, and even if it’s not ok, it’s not the end’’
For a long time, Shayla didn’t want to go out with her friends, she felt like she wasn’t allowed to, or shouldn’t be happy or enjoying herself. I told her that daddy wouldn’t want you to ever feel like that, he would want you to still go and enjoy your life. Life is for the living; we’re meant to enjoy it and make memories.
Our sessions with Winston’s Wish helped us find ways to remember Jordan, but they also taught us to put ourselves first and not to feel guilty about experiencing moments of joy. This will be our third Christmas without Jordan and as a family we have decided to visit the cemetery either side of day itself, the way Jordan would want us to, and in a way that allows us to continue creating moments of joy.
Winston’s Wish has helped us learn to live alongside our grief and the importance of allowing yourself to feel joy. There will be children waking up this Christmas without their loved one who has died. Thousands across the country won’t get to wish the person they love a Merry Christmas.
We hope by sharing our story it will help other grieving children to not feel alone and give them the opportunity to find their joy.
Thank you for supporting Winston’s Wish and children like Shayla, Ella and Kai.
Best Wishes,
Jade (Mum to Shayla, Ella and Kai)
P.S Last December Winston’s Wish supported 5,061 children thanks to people like you supporting their Christmas Appeal. Please donate today to help Winston’s Wish support even more this year. Thank you so much.