Musician Douglas MacGregor is fundraising for Winston’s Wish with the release of his new album, Songs of Loss and Healing. He explains how music has helped him process his childhood grief and why he has chosen to support Winston’s Wish.
Tell us about your new album and how music has helped you with your grief
My mother died when I was seven years old. But I didn’t grieve for her, and for 25 years I carried that grief around with me.
That suppressed grief appeared in all sorts of ways: I never came out of myself as a teenager, never could let go and be like the others. As a young adult, I frequently felt withdrawn and distant, and led quite a rudderless existence. There was one thing that kept me going – music.
Music gave me an outlet, a way to get round the silence. Playing and writing music let me express all that I couldn’t otherwise, the emotions of my inner life that I couldn’t even admit to myself. As a teenager I played the drums in rock bands and hit out all the frustration and anger. Later I turned to the guitar where I could express beauty and sorrow till my heart was content.
When my suppressed grief finally surfaced it absolutely flawed me. I consciously turned to music as my guide and lifeline, my way to process what seemed unfathomable. Music let me express those complex and conflicting emotions that would take me years to put into words.
When I write I let go of control and let the music lead me on a journey. One of the first things music showed me, was that it wasn’t just the pain I had been suppressing, it was also the hope, love and joy, all the beautiful memories of a happy childhood. Music helped me to reconnect to my mother and always showed me light at the end of the tunnel, even in my darkest moments.
In the end, I composed seven pieces of music and went on a literal journey with them. I recorded each one in a different meaningful location around the UK. I released one piece each month and wrote a blog telling the story behind the music and exploring the connections between music and grief.
How does music help bereaved children and adults?
Music is such a fantastic tool at times of loss and has been used in some way by all cultures throughout time. Music is all about feeling. It can also help you sit with contradictory emotions, like the bitter sweetness of remembering a lost loved one. It can also help you process and come to terms with them, becoming part of your grief work.
We can all use music, whether it’s listening to music that connects us to a lost loved one, expressing emotions we can’t otherwise express, or connecting with people on the same emotional wavelength. Music lets us know that others have gone through what we are going through.
But particularly for young people – or adults processing emotions from their youth – when putting things into words is sometimes impossible, music can fill that gap and allow expression and connection. Where the words fail, music begins.
Why did you decide to support Winston’s Wish?
I professionally rerecorded my seven pieces to release as an album, Songs of Loss and Healing, which is coming out on the 22nd May. I am using this release to raise awareness about childhood bereavement and the power of music.
My mother died in 1993, one year after Winston’s Wish was founded. Since then, they have helped bring about such change in the way we think about and support bereaved children.
One of the reasons I suppressed my grief was that people at the time just didn’t know what to do with or how to support a bereaved child. The prevalent British attitude was to soldier on with a stiff upper-lip, death was swept under the carpet.
Winston’s Wish was what I needed all those years ago, it’s a charity that might have saved me from 25 years of suppressed grief.
So it seemed only right that 100% of revenue for the digital release for first two weeks of sales (and perhaps beyond) will go directly to Winston’s Wish to help them do their amazing work and give children hope especially in this time of crisis.
You can purchase Songs of Loss and Healing here with all revenue going to Winston’s Wish.
