Through his Doodle Diary, our new Ambassador Gary Andrews tells us about being Mum and Dad on Father’s Day after the unexpected death of his wife Joy, aged just 41, in 2017 left him the sole parent to their two children Lily and Ben, who were just 10 and seven at the time.
As a widowed father, there is a certain dread when you hear “Mother’s Day” or “Father’s Day”. Everywhere you look there are advertisements for special meals, cards, gifts etc. It did worry me how the kids would take it, that first year without Joy but as usual, they were wise beyond their years. Sitting in the pub, a week or so before Mothering Sunday, I asked how they felt about it all. Ben, without missing a beat replied…
On my first Father’s Day, I took stock of how it was all going. The kids seemed happy and healthy and I was certainly on top of all the practicalities of life. It made me remember my own Dad (he died back in 1989) and how proud he had always been of my achievements and imagined him and Joy looking on approvingly.
By the second year, our life had become settled. We call it our ‘New Normal’. On Mother’s Day, instead of writing cards to her we wrote on leaves and took them to her memorial tree in the park, where some of her ashes are buried and left them there to return to nature.
So, on this Father’s Day I will be positive. Grateful for the amazing woman I was privileged to spend 19 years with. Grateful for my incredible children of whom I am so proud. Grateful that I get the chance to be Dad and Mum to them. I never wanted this life we are now living but I can’t change that, so I’m going to enjoy the adventure – after all, as we know only too well, life is too short to take it for granted.
About Gary:
Gary is an animator, illustrator and film-maker who lives in Surrey. He has illustrated many books, his work appears regularly in Private Eye and for several years he directed the popular kid’s TV show ‘Fireman Sam’.
He met Joy at a local Amateur Dramatics company where they had a shared passion for Shakespeare. They fell in love and spent 19 years together, marrying in 2004. But, in 2017, Joy died unexpectedly as a result of sepsis, aged just 41 and leaving him the sole parent to their two children Lily and Ben, who were just 10 and seven at the time. For about a year and a half he had been keeping a Doodle Diary online, documenting everyday life and he continued to do this after Joy’s death, using it as a way to explore his (and the family’s) grief and to process the feelings, as well as observing the highs and lows of single parenting. These Doodles have since gained a huge online following leading to several TV, radio and podcast appearances where Gary talks about the importance of being open and honest about the whole grieving process. This has also led to being invited to be an ambassador for Winston’s Wish. He is hugely honoured to be asked to take on this role, especially as he has seen first-hand just what a huge impact losing a parent can have on children. He hopes that he can help with encouraging the healthy dialogue about death and maybe raise the odd smile along the way.
Where to get support
Our bereavement support workers are available to listen and offer guidance, information and support, right away. Reach out by phone on 08088 020 021 or use our live chat (click the blue ‘chat’ button at the bottom right of your screen) between 8am and 8pm, Monday to Friday. You can also email us on ask@winstonswish.org and someone will be in touch in two working days.
If you need urgent support, our Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger is available 24/7. Text WW to 85258
Winston’s Wish is a charity. We rely on our army of supporters for 92% of our income so we can continue to provide free bereavement support for children and young people.
If you’d like to remember your dad and support Winston’s Wish at the same time, you can create a special online dedication here or make a donation in his memory here.