Deferred grieving: How the Covid-19 pandemic has impacted grieving children
Many bereaved children and young people have been unable to grieve during the Covid-19 pandemic and need help to safely explore and express their grief.
What impact has the pandemic had on grieving children and young people?
There will be a coming wave of grief among the young people who have lost a mum, dad, brother, sister or other loved one during the pandemic and have been unable to grieve.
An estimated 10,450 children and young people were bereaved of a parent, grandparent or caregiver due to Covid-19 in England and Wales between March 2020 and April 2021. That’s on top of the estimated 41,000 children and young people who are bereaved of a parent every year in the UK.
Coping with the devastating loss of a parent or sibling is hard enough for a child but the pandemic has caused many children and young people to bottle up their grief. Deferring their grief in this way can lead to a number of difficulties for children and young people, such as problems at school, mental health issues and more risk-taking behaviours. With support, children and young people can go on to lead full and flourishing lives but they need help to explore and express their grief.
Below are some of the signs to look out for to identify if a child or young person is struggling with their grief and ways you can help them, including a number of activities to download.
From lockdowns to school closures, the pandemic has created a unique set of circumstances that has made grieving more complicated for children and young people. Many have bottled up their grief because they simply can’t deal with the painful feelings and emotions while also living through a pandemic. However, while you might be able to postpone the intense feelings of grief, you cannot permanently avoid them.
Di Stubbs, Winston’s Wish practitioner
My dad was ill for quite a few years but during lockdown it got a lot worse. We were in lockdown so I couldn’t see him at home, we could only call and text. Then after the lockdown ended, that was when he was at his worst. Luckily, he was at home so I was able to visit him. If he was in the hospital, I wouldn’t have been able to see him. I couldn’t see him in his best days, the only time I got to see him was when he was at his worst. If I was able to see him sooner, we would have had more time together. I feel like it cut our time short.
Ashleigh, who was 16 when her dad died in August 2020
Everybody was lovely and wanted to support dad and me but we had to be careful because of the coronavirus. We had lots of neighbours and family and friends who wanted to come and help but couldn’t, it felt like we had to grieve alone.
Hattie, who was 17 when her mum died in May 2020
She was her grandpa’s little shadow: they just adored each other. It was hard enough to explain that we couldn’t see him when we were trying to keep him safe. She kept asking if he’d get the virus. And then he did… and I had to try and explain that no, we still couldn’t see him. She hadn’t seen him for months before he died. I think she just can’t believe that he’s gone forever.
Emma*, parent
Maybe she’d have found this year just as impossible without the pandemic? She was always anxious about tests and exams, always wondering and worrying about friends and social media. But something about being away from friends and school and the exam stuff just seemed to break her. And now her little brother is so angry, hurt and lost – and I just hate the virus. I just hate it.
Jan*, parent
Signs that a child is struggling with their grief
A child might not understand that they are struggling with their grief or know how to explain it to an adult, but there are some common signs to look out for:
- You notice changes in their behaviour, for example they become anxious, withdrawn, sad or angry
- They struggle to concentrate
- They experience problems at school or their marks drop
- They don’t want to talk about the person who has died
- They have trouble sleeping
- They experience physical symptoms, for example unexplained pains, headaches or stomach aches
How you can help a grieving child or young person
The death of a parent or sibling is a devastating situation for any child, but with the right support at the right time they can go on to have a full and flourishing future. Here are some of the ways you can help them using our activities below:
- Acknowledge what has happened and their grief and loss
- Offer simple and clear explanations of what has happened
- Talk to them about what may happen next and offer them reassurance about the future
- Show them that it’s ok to express their feelings by sharing your emotions
- Help them to explore and express their feelings and thoughts
- Find ways to remember that person’s life and mark anniversaries, birthdays and special days
- If needed, help them find specialist bereavement support
Download our activities
From helping children and young people understand and express their grief to finding ways to remember the person who has died, our activities can help you support a child who is struggling with their grief.
Fizzy feelings
Explaining to children and young people why it’s important to express feelings.
First aid kit
Helping children and young people think about how to cope with difficult days.
Calendar of memories
A way to remember significant days, for example the anniversary of a death or that person’s birthday.
Memory boxes
A place to keep treasured items to help children and young people remember the person who has died.
Memory jars
An activity to help children and young people to remember important things about the person who died.
Worry dolls
A way to help children and young people to express and share their fears and anxieties.
Life quiz
A way to help children to remember the person who had died and to learn new things about them and their life.
Ways to express your feelings
Creative ways for children and young people to express their feelings after someone has died.
Writing an unsent letter
Writing a letter to the person who has died can be a good way for children to express their thoughts and feelings.
How Winston’s Wish can help
Our bereavement support workers are available to offer information, guidance and support, right away. Reach out on 08088 020 021 or use our live chat (click the blue ‘chat’ button on the bottom right of your screen) between 8am and 8pm, Monday to Friday. You can also email us on ask@winstonswish.org and we’ll get back to you within two working days.
Call 08088 020 021 (open Monday-Friday, 8am-8pm)
Email ask@winstonswish.org or fill out our contact form
Use our online chat (open 8am to 8pm)
Use our 24/7 Crisis Messenger for urgent support – text WW to 85258